…To tell you the truth I have been feeling more down than up this week…well today anyways. I am feeling a bit flat, deflated and sorry for myself if I am being totally honest.
As you know I was booked in for my second band-fill on Monday of this week. I was expecting to feel some kind of restriction by now but guess what guys?
…I am feeling…nowt, nada, zilch!
I can still eat normal sized meals and nothing is causing me problems food wise. I am relying purely on willpower and determination to succeed for now and after 9 weeks I feel it`s getting harder and harder to stay focussed and on track.
The nurses only put 1ml into my band …bringing my total fillage now to 6mls in a 13 ml band. At this rate I feel it will be weeks or even months before my little `helper` is totally `switched-on` and doing its job properly!
When I got home that night from Glasgow I was absolutely starving as I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and guess what…I managed a full, normal dinner.
…Naughty I know because I am fully aware that it`s supposed to be fluids all the way for 24 hours after a fill but as I felt no difference I thought what the heck. Now ok, granted, my `normal` dinners these days are nothing like my old dinners were but hey I finished the lot without any problems whatsoever!
I managed to eat a whole weightwatchers chicken thingy plus a bag of steamed veg and guess what?
Fortunately I didn’t succumb to temptation or my grumbling tummy as I took myself of to bed for an early night… but I did go to bed feeling starving and a tad let down.
I am trying so, so hard to follow the rules but It`s really hard when most days I don’t even feel like I have a gastric band at the moment.
I am really, really trying to stay positive and focussed on my goals but some days it`s pretty tough.
In an attempt to bolster myself up I have been trawling the internet for help/reassurance from fellow successful bansters and I have learnt a lot this week. I have found a great wee forum to peruse called `thinnertimes` which you can access by following this link if you are interested:
Granted it`s an American site but I like the `tone` of the posts (very positive, friendly and supportive) and there are a lot of switched-on, well informed peeps posting some great advice.
One of the things I have learned about this week from my American cousins is something called bandster hell.
It`s what most of us band-folk seem to go through between surgery and getting to our own `sweet spot` (good restriction).
Some of the biggest losers (i.e. folks who have lost 100lbs plus) seem to really struggle with poor restriction, hunger and frustration in the first few months. Many people do not lose any weight and some even gain (yikes) until they have got good restriction.
The message seems to be if you are not gaining at this stage, you are doing just fine!
Let`s face it and I include myself in this…none of us who undergo weight-loss surgery would have put ourselves though this if we just dandy at eating sensibly all the time!
I have found this piece of information on the most part very reassuring. I say most-part because in some ways it`s not what I want to hear but as it seems to be the norm for a lot of people I have taken the message board and am trying `to calm my jets` and not get too despondent for now when the weight is not coming off as fast as I would like…the holiday is looming large!
Anyhow, talking of weight….no loss for me this week folks!
Maybe it`s hormonal or fluid retention but the flaming scales are not for budging (BOO!) I have been on the most part virtuous apart from Sunday night when I had a mini-melt down and ate 3 bags of crisps one after the other! Could have been worse I suppose but I was so angry with myself afterwards that I topped it off with a chocolate biscuit (first since surgery)…agghhh!!
On a much more positive note, however, I am keeping up with the exercise goals I have set myself and fitted in either walking 5-7 miles or an aerobics DVD every day last week. I feel SO much fitter already and I know that when the pounds do start melting away that it will make a huge difference to not only how I look but how I feel.
Guess this journey really is a rollercoaster at times and I know I need to have some patience but at least I know I am normal…hehe!
Before I go this week can I ask a favour from some of you lovely folks out there? I would so love to know what your own experiences are at the moment with regards to losses, gains, restriction, getting fitter and the dreaded bandster hell issue?
If you feel you can please drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I would so love to hear how you are all doing.
Hopefully we can help each other out in the weeks and months ahead xx
…guess that includes me too!
“If you’re going through hell, keep going” Winston Churchill