Good afternoon everyone…just sitting out in the garden with a nice cup of coffee, enjoying the fresh air and appreciating what`s left of our fairly dismal Scottish summer as I put together this week’s ramblings. It`s been a busy week at work but have still managed to keep up with the walking…that box is ticked anyways. Bit of a blip though because I have hurt my back and that has meant that I have not been able to do anything else exercise wise apart from walking…it`s just too painful (boo!)
I never have any problems with my back normally so the fact that I can hardly get out of bed the past few mornings is hitting me hard… the pain and stiffness seems to settle as the day wears on if I take some painkillers but it`s still sore enough to prevent me from tackling my fitness DVD and the housework for that matter (what a shame!)
On a more positive note the scales are still moving in the right direction. I am now in the fourteens…slow and steady progress is definitely being made which is fantastic. I am still on track weight-wise which is good and I have lost another inch from my waist and hips.
As you know I had my first 2ml fill last week but to tell you the truth I am actually hungrier and feeling less restriction than I was before it…go figure that one?
I have been managing to eat pretty much anything, including foods I had problems with just a week or so ago. I have definitely been relying on willpower more than the band for the past few weeks which is pretty hard but achievable. I am just so scared that I undo some of my good work by cheating that I`ve put up with the hunger pangs and kept to my daily budget of 1000 calorie’s.
I know I could be doing with another fill but the problem is that I have not been able to get an appointment as the clinic is apparently fully booked…grrrr! When I phoned up on Friday morning (17th September) I was told the first free appointment was on Monday 11th October…over 3 weeks away!
I am flying a few days later so was not overly keen to make an appointment for a fill so near my holiday…scared in case my band is too tight when I am out of the country and I am unwell with it… a potential nightmare!
This would have meant that it would be nearer the end of October before I could realistically have my band tightened…nearly 5 weeks of hunger and pure willpower to endure…not why I had the operation I can tell you!
The Nuffield advised me to wait for a cancellation but I was pretty irritated as I thought they could have fitted me in sooner than that considering I am at the stage where a fair bit of tweaking is needed to gain sufficient restriction.
Some better news this morning though…I phoned the hospital again and they can now fit me in a week earlier on the 4th October…would have preferred this week but at least that gives me some time to make sure all is well before I hit the beach and only 2 weeks of hunger to put up with.
Maybe I am expecting too much…who knows? I think part of my frustration this week is with myself actually. I am going abroad in just over three weeks and still feel too fat to confidently bare my bod on the beach. It was a fairly last minute decision to go away really and although I am really looking forward to the break I just wish I was slimmer because I know I am going to still feel a tad self-conscious. The rational part of my brain says to get over myself but the self-critical, negative part is still working its old magic and bringing me down some days.
I know that I need to stop doing this to myself but it`s not easy to change habits of a lifetime overnight.
…Just hope I can fit into some of my holiday clothes as well. This time last year I was about 16lbs lighter and a dress size smaller than I am today. Everything is still a bit nippy but I still have 3 weeks before departure…realistically I could lose another 7lbs by then if I keep up the good work so here’s hoping. At least it`s giving me something to aim for in the short term while I am struggling with poor restriction and a sore back.
Sorry if I sound like a bit of a moaner today folks…just having a bad day and putting it down on paper helps me stay focussed and away from the fridge (haha!)
No-one said any of this was going to be a walk in the park…I know this.
…. guess the trick is just to keep walking even if somedays the hill feels really steep!
…till next time my friends.
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Unknown