My clothes are getting looser and I feel generally lighter…in body as well as in mind. I have also lost 4 inches off my waist and 3 inches from my hips which is fab.
People are also beginning to notice that I have lost a little weight which is nice and although I have a long way to go I feel like it will just be a matter of time till I reach my goal of around 10 stones and a comfy size 12.
I will be more than happy if I lose 1-2lbs a week from now on. I feel that this is a marathon rather than a sprint and its so, so comforting to know that this time my weight loss will be permanent!
The first few days of feeling sore and nauseated are a distant memory now and I am beginning to feel like the band is a part of me…so much so that I forget that it is there most of the time.
…I say most of the time because there has been the odd occasion that I have been caught out where I have eaten too quickly or not chewed my food well enough and the band sure lets me know it`s there! It feels like a sharp ache in my chest and I have to stop eating and wait for a good few minutes for the pain to settle. I also can get a feeling of something being stuck if I eat certain foods which results in the lot coming back up!
I think everyone is different regards what they can and cannot eat but my problem foods at the moment are bread and meat. It’s a bit of a learning curve really and each day is different. I have also noticed that one day I can eat something and the next day I can`t. In my head I feel like I should be able to eat most things but my band quickly lets me know what I can and cannot stomach.
The other problem is that I don’t want to draw attention to myself in company or make a fuss. I want to appear as normal as possible if that makes sense and that too has caught me out on occasion…
Last week we hopped over to Arran on the ferry for the day with some friends and after a couple of glasses of wine we all thought it would be great idea to have barbeque on the beach.
I just love barbeques and was really looking forward to it even though I knew that the cuisine on offer was not particularly band friendly!
So vino on-board I thought I would give it a try…I was absolutely starving by the time the food was cooked and it smelled great. I wanted to join in and believed that if I ate slowly and chewed my food really well I could at least manage a burger and some salad.
How wrong I was!! …the burger got stuck and I ended up making a rather undignified skulk into the bushes to throw up…lesson learnt!
Still we all had a great wee day…even when the rain came on and we got soaked. The joys of the Scottish summer…haha!
Now don’t get me wrong people…I have not been breaking the rules on a daily basis. My band just will not let me. At this stage I am allowed more normal sustenance but am happier to stick to soft foods for now. I am trying to eat healthily and avoid the rubbish, even though I crave junk from time to time. On the whole I have been good and most days I am eating between 800-1000 calories in total. I feel fuller quicker and generally can manage only a child-sized portion at mealtimes. A daily intake for me just now would be as follows.
Breakfast: porridge made with water and a small glass skimmed milk.
Lunch: soup and small slice toast and low fat spread.
Dinner: fish, mince, bolognaise, rice, pasta or a weight watchers meal.
Snacks: banana, yoghurt, low fat crisps plus the occasional glass of wine.
I am lucky in that I have never really had a sweet tooth so am not really missing sweets or chocolate. I was just greedy and ate far too much of everything really.
At the moment my band is empty…during weight-loss surgery a gastric band is fitted but the balloon inside which causes the restriction is left empty…I am due to attend the Nuffield next week for my first fill which will `switch it on`. I feel a degree of restriction at the moment but can still manage a decent sized portion so I should feel a difference after my fill.
All this for me is not just about weight and food though…it never was. I want to feel fit and healthy and get my inner confidence back…to be comfy again in my own skin!
In order to do this I know that I NEED to start exercising if I am to get where I want to be in the future.
…the problem is that it`s so hard to exercise when you are very overweight…I need to start somewhere but just don’t have the `bottle` to join a gym or bare my booty at the pool!
I know I need to get over myself and just go but I can`t face it just now as I am just too self-conscious about my size. This is going to take some work. I have lots of little demons in my head that need to be exorcised over the coming weeks and months…tips on a postcard please!!
For now I am doing what I can do and that is walking. I am trying to walk for 3-4 miles most days which is a good start. I can feel the benefit already and have been pushing myself to the point where I am out of breath and a bit sweaty. Hopefully as the weight comes of and my stamina improves I will progress to more serious training. I would so, so love to be able to run again.
Last weekend my son Michael and I went down to the Galloway
Forrest for a long walk. It was awesome to be out in the fresh air and walk in the stunning countryside. We saw some lovely butterflies and loads of different mushrooms growing in the woods.
…I felt more alive than I have in ages and really loved it. I was whacked when we got home but felt great…there is no doubt about it being in the mountains is good for the soul!
`The human soul needs actual beauty more than bread` DH Lawrence
…till next time my friends.