Well its now less than 24 hours to go till I am `put under` and I am feeling nervous, edgy and a bit prickly today.
My poor mum took the brunt of it earlier and now I`m feeling REALLY guilty for being so snippy with her…..she got upset which just made me feel even worse. She was being herself and I just lost the plot for no reason over something really stupid…this is so NOT like me!!
I`m not having second thoughts about my surgery or anything like that….. just feel that the clock is ticking really loudly today! Feels a bit like just before a rollercoaster takes off……..fear mixed with anticipation.
…Why do we hurt the people who least deserve it though? My poor mother has been so, so supportive in all of this and there’s me having a go at her!
It`s just like I feel like I need some space to be alone with my thoughts today for some reason. Any benign, idle chit-chat feels like an intrusion somehow…..must be more uptight about everything than I realised.
Anyway just back from a long drive on my own to cool down and I am now feeling calmer and more like myself….need to say sorreeee mum!
I`ve never had a general anaesthetic or surgery before and I have never been a patient in hospital either. Even though I have worked in hospitals for years it`s SO different being `on the other side`! Silly thoughts keep invading my head….I was in the shower this morning and I`m thinking…what if something goes wrong…or I don’t wake up….I know these thought are completely irrational and I know I will be fine. It`s just fear of the unknown I suppose.
On a brighter note I stood on the scales this morning and have lost 9lbs…whoohoo!
Not surprised cause feel like I have been peeing for Scotland this week. Sure most of it is water weight but am delighted none the less…..only 80 more lbs to go!
So with less than 24 hours till I banding I am pretty well organised…have treated myself to some nice new PJ`s and a matching robe/slippers combo for my short stay in the Nuffield. They are really nice….pity that won`t fit me in a wee while!
….See you on the other side!